Talking from the Top !!

Heard this story from one of our respected leaders, a vice president of engineering, who has built a company successfully before being acquired by this current company.

When he became CEO of the earlier company, the day of promotion, he realized that the entire building where he goes to work, everyone in that building reported in to him.

Even if he tried to, he could not control this sense of pride on the day one as CEO. He is walking around each floor and being polite with each employee, making small talks - just being nice.

Then he comes across this set of four cubes, intersecting like a "+" sign, and all their table plants are raised to the mid point of the PLUS sign. That looked beautiful.

He stops by this set of cubes and tells the 4 employees there, that it really looks nice the way the table plants have been put all together in the center. He spends couple of more minutes chatting and then he moves up to another cube, another row, another floor - THE ENTIRE BUILDING WAS HIS !!!!!


Next morning he comes to work, he sees ever set of four cubes have arranged the table plans in the center, together.

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He did not have intention to make this scale of a change. It was a pleasantry in the first day to point out to a beautiful arrangement of flowers plants and a way to have a small talk and relate with a few employees.

The more people look up to you, as a leader, the more will be the result and action and consequence of each of your words that you speak. Even if you do not intend them to be.
And You will be the one responsible for that magnified consequence.

Combat Position 3 : Bend Over !!!

Vikram :

I had a really bad day today after 1:1 with Rob today. Rob is my boss now. Relatively new to the org.

Betaal :

what happened ?

not happy with performance ?

ePM discussion ?

Vikram :

not there yet. because I am going to Quality team and I guess he is upset

he is always worried that I am not going to complete my release work !

Betaal :

hmm.. ok

Release is almost at its fag end and you are staying in the same company.

I am sure you wont mind doing double work if needed for few days

Vikram :

he said the perception of my management team is that I am not doing the release work

Shawn is the one working on that...

He never joins meeting and he does not really know

Betaal :

Shawn does bring in all the learning from previous release work.. however, You are doing all the work

Vikram :

yes. somehow he got more trust and I can not never Rob's trust

Vikram :

rob does not really listen sometimes and he likes to do power struggle

Betaal :

Then you are better of moving to the new team

Vikram :

he is reason made me thinking of moving

he is very old style manager

Vikram :

direct order

Betaal :

this will pass. everything comes in phases

chill

you are doing great

Vikram :

thanks...

Last week I was 24x7 on the release work !

I almost lived in buiding 24 last week

well, Rob will never know this for sure. I tried to tell him once but he said I need to stop micro managing defects

I really don't want to but this is the only way to get attention

Betaal :

its all prospective

these are two conflicting things

When a manager does not like someones job

he should not be upset about the move out too

Vikram :

he gave me two things today:

1. I have to finish the release, otherwise I can not move

2. If he puts I am not motivated to do thing in ePM. What will my future manager think

I think I need to talk to my HR manger

Betaal :

nah.. not such a good idea !

Vikram :

OK

Betaal :

no one has ever challenged mgr and gotten anything unless the mgr himself is not rated well

Talk smooth with him..

make it look like you are accepting the feedback

Vikram :

OK

Betaal :

make it sound like you ll take action on all

Being / looking submissive in this case get best result. trust me on this one

Vikram :

..hmmm. I fought back when he talked to me.

I guess that makes things worse

Betaal :

fighting back in these situations

always make things worse

that makes him feel he is not a good mgr and does not know right info

thats where ego sets in

Vikram :

but he really can be a better manager if he listens

Betaal :

That is true

but first control your damage

and then hope him to be a better mgr

Vikram :

what if I think he is hopeless

Betaal :

if he is not doing things right.. some one else will catch him

over time

no one goes scot free for long

Vikram :

what if I don't respect him?

Betaal :

fake it

Vikram :

M. but maybe I have more power and I can win in the end since I do know a lot of people in this company

Betaal :

You will win if you are right.. anyway !

at the end.. good behavior will win. You talking about Rob to people you know may have other impacts on you !

There is a old management mantra

"When Peter talks to me about Paul, I get to know more about Peter"

Vikram :

OK

Betaal :

Keep your eye on your short term goal i.e. moving to the quality team. That will be easier if you play along.

You will have plenty of time to set things right later.

It's the intention that counts or does it ?

It's good to be back in a training room for a week. It forces you out of the avalanche of emails and action items.

It is a welcome change and worth the 25 hour flight in economy class and jet lag.

Here is a small episode that I came across this morning.

In a casual conversation between X and Y about flights and travel etc.

"X" syas : "The Lufthansa Seats are the most uncomfortable seats I ve ever seen."

It is part of the whole chit-chat and discussion. But right after this statement "Y" is visibly not so much friendly and amicable.

Infact the conversation ended pretty soon after.

"X" is Indian born American. "Y" is "German". Lufthansa is a German national carrier and a matter of pride for Germany.

I am sure "X" did not intend to offend anyone.

Talking to the Audience ......

Afternoon ... and just after a stressful conference call with a customer who has issues with the certain networking devices we build. Nothing unusual !

Vikram and Betaal finished the call and went to grab a cup of coffee !

Betaal: Boy that was a disaster !!! One of those rare times I see you, "Vikram", failing to make your point.

Vikram: Don't know what went wrong. And I still don't know why they did not understand me.

Betaal: Repeat the metaphor (typical software guys - reproduce everything to understand better:), using which you wanted to explain the customer and what you were trying to explain. Then we will find, together, what went wrong.

Vikram: Ok ! This customer is Italian. One of the national carriers. They are upset because, network is not stable and the box (the one we develop and sell) keeps misbehaving and as a result customer loses revenue and sleep.

When I looked in to the box, it was plain, simple mis-use of the box. People buy networking devices to push packets of information. This customer is monitoring the device so much and so often that it is busy answering all the external bodies monitoring it and hardly gets time to do its own job.

Its like having a good engineer to do engineering, and then micro manage so much and interrupt so frequently that he/she hardly gets the work done.

This is what I was trying to explain the customer. Monitor it less and let it do its job !

But the customer said, I ve outsourced all my monitoring to different smaller companies, and they all have their scripts runnings. Our box should prevent being over-monitored intelligently without the customer going to all its out sourcing partner and asking them to co-ordinate so that they do not load up the box just doing that.

Betaal: So far so good... what exactly did you say though !!! How did you articulate it ?

Vikram: I always like using real life metaphors / stories to explain a situation.

So, I said, "You have a critical patient. You called an ambulance. The job of the ambulance is to ship the patient as soon as possible, as safely as possible to the hospital. Ambulance is here. Patient is in. And then the Ambulance driver monitors the tyre pressure, accelerator, water, coolant, 19 point inspection that takes 1 hr. The patient would die"

My intention was to tell a story, that helps them understand, one shot.

Betaal: What ended up happening after that story ?

Vikram: They did not understand why I was telling that story. They thought there is someone really serious who needs an ambulance. They thought the ambulance driver is not keeping the vehicle ready. They thought some one is dead. All in literal sense. Some people mused, why are we talking about patients and ambulance in this meeting. Some people said, we should probably call off the meeting, arrange funeral for whoever is dead and reconvene. Rest thought I was nuts.

Betaal: You told a metaphorical ENGLISH story to bunch of Italians, who have a translator in the meeting to help, and the translator barely manages English. :) And you do not know Italian. See the point ???


"Always talk to the audience. Talk what they can apprehend, appreciate and understand. Being a wise-a&& costs a lot."

Goal Setting - A simple case study !

Thanks to the CAB strike in this city, there were very less people in the campus today.

The people's people were feeling out of place. Lonely !

Even at the day-end-stess-buster ritual (Table Tennis / Ping Pong table) there was much less attendance.

All the usual crowd missing. All the usual rivalry, PJs, Pshy Ops, dancing after a point as if it was the touch down in last minute in super bowl - all that were missing.

Which turned out to be a good thing ;)

I met this fine young athelete, and ended up playing with him. And in first couple of games he started amazing me with his skills and focus.

Games were competitive and close.

Make a few mistakes, the game is gone. Lose focus for 1 mins, its lost.

All this without the usual shouting crowd where entertainment is the objective and not winning. It felt far from the stress buster.

Thats when a real naughty idea crossed my head.

Next momemt I turned him in to the subject of the case study - GOAL SETTING !

I told him, that next game he is going to be beaten below 15. This young man being new, has not yet been so acquainted with my gimmicks.

He takes it as a serious challenge.

We played the game - I won 21 - 16. He felt happy that he crossed 15. I felt happy I won the game and my case study was working ?

Next game I set the target for him at 13. Again he lost that game 21 - 15.

Until those games, he was giving a run for my money. And right after setting goals, it started suffering.

What changed ????

Goals were set low. And once set low, one achieves low goals.

Would you like someone else to set your GOALS ?

Hope the CABs are back on road tomorrow !!!

Beware of what you wish for !!!!!

Vikram and Betaal got together for a cup of cappuccino. Its not been a heavy day so to speak. Business as usual.

Just some small nagging thing on Vikram's head. And that showed on his face.

Betaal: What's up Vikram ! Something bothering you ?

Vikram: Yes ! I ve this guy who is constantly asking for a promotion. But I know he is not ready. I want to see him doing the work of next level before he gets in to the next grade. But its been a nagging thing. At the same time, he is doing great as per he is current grade, so I do not want to tell him something that makes him feel bad and he walks. A good amount of business is resting on him. This has put me in a corner. I need to make up my mind soon.

Betaal: Hmmmm !!!! Let me tell you a story of a lion and a fox that I heard from a 4 yr old.

The lion is getting old. Not fast enough to chase and catch his preys. Not able to hunt effectively.

A fox, that lives nearby and lives on the left over of the lion, clearly sees that over the days and gets and idea.

He walks up to the lion, and proposes, "Lets team up ! I ll stand near the curve of the path leading to the dense part of the forest where your cave is. I ll watch out for the animals coming by. You happily relax in your cave. I ll signal you when the animal is close. You jump and make it your prey. My commission is simple. I ll share the food with you."

Lion agrees to it. And both of them happily hunt and eat for some time to come.

After many such huntings, fox thinks, why should I always play the second fiddle ? I should hunt now and ask Lion to watch out. I have been watching the process for a while.

Understandably, the fox believed in it. He wanted to glory of being the hunter and not the helper. So, he started nagging the lion to swap the job.

One day lion allowed him. He knew, he is not doing the right thing. He was not confident about the fox in the role of a hunter.

But just to avoid the nagging, he does say YES.

Next day, lion is watching the curve. An elephant was coming on that path. He signaled. The fox jumped to hunt. Elephant squashed the fox to death.

The fox died. The lion starved until its death after that.

Vikram and Betaal both finished the discussion. Coffee was over. Time for other meetings.

Vikram: Thanks Betaal ! Catch you later !!!!

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"The perfect way to screw someone's career is by promoting them when he/she is not ready, just because he/she wants it".

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Behind every successful person there is one or more unsuccessful person !!! Its all relative baby !!!!

As a primary school students in rural Orissa, many many years ago, we used to wait with excitement and fear for the days when School Inspector visited the school.

A school inspector is a govt. employee who visits all govt. schools periodically and verifies if the teachers come to work.

If students are following discipline. If the school premises is safe and healthy. If the fund given by govt is utilized properly.

Of course, like every other govt job in India, this noble job was also reduced to the moral lows of babudom.

When school inspectors came, huge amount of panic would be there in the air. Teachers will all be there in time in cleaner clothes. They would not take the kids away from class to clean their own back yard.

Before digressing too much -

During one such visits (when I was in class 5), our school inspector asked me to draw a line on the black board which is 1 meter long without having a tape or scale. Just to see how close I get to the real measurement. This is probably one of the ways to measure the cognitive skills of growing kids.

I drew a line. And among all lines drawn by other kids, mine was the closest to 1 meter. It was luck probably. But I got kudos for that.

Then it took a sudden turn. The inspector looked at me with a smile and asked, can you make this line smaller without erasing any of it ? I knew this trick already from home, while playing with the dough while my mother was making rotis. I immediately went to the board, and drew a bigger line. All of the sudden the older line was smaller.

Its relative ! It really is. Everything is. Nevertheless, he made me feel like the smartest kid in the school :) That was cool indeed !

Why am I telling this story today ? After so many years !!!

It still has its relevance. It always had.

Relativity will always have relevance.

The appraisal season is going on. One of my old-timer, experienced engineers turn. He has been instrumental in growing the level of this team for past 5 to 6 years now. Great engineer. He has been repeatedly rated as one of the top guys.

This year was a bit different. His contribution has not decreased, there were a few new kids on the block, whose contributions have over shadowed his. It was not easy for him to accept this. As you can guess, I did tell the above story. We ended the discussion on a high note. No bad blood.

Of "Diversity" and "Feminism"

"Diversity" has become the new mantra of the corporate honchos.

Its a wide open word. And like every other wide open word, it has many interpretations.

Diversity means inclusion of different variants of thoughts, ideas, opinions, colors, genders, orientations - as long as it is all put together towards a common goal.

Its much easier to certain types of DNAs to take their own decisions, impose on others with authority and get to the goal sooner and sometimes cleaner. Unfortunately, this has severe side effects. Such as - getting in to a single track mind. Developing "know-all" syndrome. Creating prejudices. Creating barriers based on differences.

But it is difficult for the same authoritative DNAs to listen to all different opinions, all different thoughts and make an all encompassing roadmap that takes all to the goal. The pleasure is shared. There are many winners, and many heroes. There are many leaders and many followers.

So, when you make something as big as diversity a mantra - a lot of corporate citizens choose the easy way (same old "I know it well" culture - authoritative) and package it as diversity for better career mileage.

Hence in corporations today, it has taken predominantly one meaning, one interpretation.
"Include the fairer gender". It has necessitated a corporate feminist movement.

I am no expert in feminism. But in last three days, I ve had three seemingly un-related events to report which have something to do with this.

Event 1 :
We are back hiring fresh grads from different reputed engineering schools. Each panel that visits a campus to identify bright potentials, is specifically told to hire more women. Reason "Diversity".

This creates confusion. If you find more young men "thinking" / "applying" ideas differently - would it be more diverse or finding a mix of more men and women thinking alike will create more diversity ? is the sex ratio of an organization, right bench mark to decide the diversity it has ?

Event 2:
Post campus interviews, I spent 4-5 hours talking to a colleague about a troubled marriage. Separated husband and wife. A 9 year old in the middle. The mom's compulsion to hang on to a stressful job and a British era boss just to provide for the baby.

The moms courage to take it on all alone and at the same time the reluctance to go legal and file for a divorce and look for a new life. Day in day out, telling lies to a growing kid that "Dad is traveling on business". The new age woman who is becoming stronger and stronger everyday struggling through it all. Building block of the original post world war feminist era. Driven by necessity and not a shallow corporate mantra.

Event 3:
On the way back from the engineering school a conversation on "pseudo-feminism" with colleague ( a woman) who is successful, ambitious, modern, smart and upwardly mobile. A view that is quite different and critical of what feminism is made out to be.

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I am sure the diversity in corporates would mean more one day. I am sure feminists riding on the diversity wave, will hear the story of the mom who needs to be strong. I am sure diversity meets will be more than corporate kitty parties.

Power is in letting it GO !

Vikram: Let the birds fly, don't cage them. If they were meant to be your pets, they will fly back to you anyday. If they forget you, they were never meant to be your pets :-)

Betaal: pet birds are lazy and they dont attempt to fly :)

Vikram: is that a fact?

Betaal: I think so..

Vikram : :-)... doesnt seem true, but i wish it was true

Betaal :

Its like ZOO tigers.

they wont go to jungle

working dads, wont stay home and take care of kids

its like someone who has been a manager for while

and do not want to go back Individual contribution

Vikram:

haha

:-)

but my jist of the saying was -

if you like someone, dont get possessive of them

and hold on

if they want to go away, allow them

Betaal:

That is true.

Vikram:

and if they were meant to be urs, they will always come back to you, else if they just forget, they were never meant to be urs

do u agree?

Betaal: completely

w.r.t. human relationships, it is 100% right

Vikram:

:-) so we agree!

Betaal:

yes.. !

There are two factors that moves things / people

push and pull

the object / person moves closer to where the pull is

thats just natural

Its also one of my Mantra to retain top 25% engrs

dont create any PUSH factor

at least

they may not look for PULL factors them or they would need a lot of PULL factor

Vikram:

:-)

Im learning a LOT from u everyday!

Betaal:

sorry to hear that.. :( You need a better teacher

Lessons while you relax ..

Just because it is weekend, does not mean you do not learn much...

Among the household chores, few games of monopoly with kids, helping them finish the weekend homework, I bumped in to a few CDs that I used to listen years ago. Off late, I ve not listening to music or watching TV (in last 8 years may be).

I listened to this one, which used to be my favorite long time ago (Yes ! the CDs still work !).
For about 20 times !

The Gambler - Kenny Rogers

Snippets of the lyrics here

"He said, son, Ive made a life out of readin peoples faces,
And knowin what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you dont mind my sayin, I can see youre out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey Ill give you some advice.

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done."

Establishing Identity

Its a fine morning. Working day. Last one of the week.

Vikram is ready to take up any challenge thrown to him from Betaal, just before the week ends.

Any puzzle, any riddle !

"Here is the story for today Vikram !" Betaal starts !

"This young and intelligent engineer is trusted by her managers. Trusted that she will deliver the goods in time. She has proven herself again and again. She works in a team, where there are already other senior members, who are probably not functioning at the same level. She knows that. She has been asked to lead them. She has been asked to lead the people who are senior to herself. That's a definite sign of growth and success. However, here is the problem.

The senior members, who are not functioning at her level, think she is a "kiddo". Who's she to lead us ? Who's she to tell us what to do ? At the same time, 10 times a day, the same members come back to her to be spoon fed on how to do things that they should do.

Its becoming, extremely time consuming for her. And it also bothers her, that even after guiding them on all their work, apart from doing her own work, she gets the look.

The "you are a kid" look.

The "who you to lead us?" look.

And she absolutely detests that.

She is torn between ideas on how to tackle this. And seriously contemplating to do all the work herself. Thats going to be easier than spoon feeding people who are "so called" senior to her and then getting the look.

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Betaal stops and asks the questions to Vikram. "Do you think she is taking the right decision ?"

Vikram takes a moment. The story sounds familiar. And answers "NO".

If she wants to be a leader, she will have to ignore the Look. Life can not be answered by clicking check boxes to granular questions. Its a drama. It needs to be well orchestrated. It needs to be designed.

She needs to involve a few other people, neutral and authoritative in a tactful manner. In the name of providing project update, she needs to publicly share responsibilities. And ask for each ones comfort level carrying out those responsibilities. She needs to move to a non-threatening media of communication (e-mail) where the emotions (pissed-ness) is not out on the face.

She needs to interact in bigger forums over non-personal media where people stay well behaved and self-moderated, until the other members accepts her as a leader. Not as a kid. Until the wider audience who would silently keep looking, would know who are the kids.

While doing all this she can not afford to look "pissed". If she looks pissed, she will lose trust (how much ever of that is there). If she looks pissed, she can not inculcate the right behavior.

She has to prove the wider audience that she is the driver. The target audience is a subset. They will accept it.

Deciding to do it all herself is not going to scale for long. Being pissed is not going to help at all.

Vikram and Betaal nodded at each other in agreement. And went apart until next time ......

The day that went by and "Art of Coping".....

I am glad the day is over. Not my kinda day ! Really !

One of the closest friends moving away to far away land. A friend who has been the subject of spontaneous PJs over past four years. PJs that has given her obnoxious characters and names, for others to get a quick laugh ! A re-assuring smile ! A familiar comfort. A beautiful presence.

But thats not so gloomy indeed ! She is going to greener pastures. She is going to be happy. That was in her plans... and in her destiny. Happy for her. Although I will miss her.

Now, comes the real tough part.

Small decisions gone wrong. Small decisions that decomposed to stinky guilt. A dream garden that turned out to be thorns for others.. and in turn pokes to my conscience.

A big business blunder. Nothing like the ones' that I usually make.

By afternoon my guts were having the raunchy feeling. I am thinking "Not my kind of day!"

Its midnight now, its still there. A lot less than earlier though. Only symptom left now is insomnia.

This brings me to the topic of coping ! Coping with something stressful, guilt-ridden and deflating.

Observations -

• Told my wife about all that is happening. She listened, quietly.
  
• Went to the neighbor and asked what he wants - changed my dream plan as per his wish
• Called my boss and said, something is messed up ! and its unforgivable one !
  
• Stayed home, until kids came home from school. I hardly see them coming back from school. I always see them going to school. By the time, I come home from work, they are asleep.
  
• Chatted with a few friends
  

How did all this help reduce the misery I was going through ?

• Communication - with wife, with boss, with neighbor
• Flexibility - To cut my own dreams, plans, expectations
  
• Support structure - family, kids, friends
  
• Moreover - a sense of Deja Vu. Is it the first time, I feel this way ? A lot has happened in the past, some more nasty than this date and all of them have passed by ! So, this would pass by too. Matter of hanging in there and faking a smile. Holding on to the cool. Hanging in there !

Are you a Leader ?

The word "Leader" is one of the most used and abused words today's corporate dictionary.
Many books have been written on it. Many research done. May definitions defined. Some overlapping and some not.

I was talking to a batch of new hires early morning, in their induction program. First day in a nwe company. New work culture. New dynamics. New designations.

In the company I work for, there is a very coveted designation called "Technical Leader". I do acknowledge that this does not sound as sexy as "Chief Architect" or some other similar designations out there in the market/industry.

Still, the title's simplicity does have its charm.

So, obviously a few questions pop-ed up from the audience. All summing up to - "When will I be a technical leader?".

I resisted the temptation to answer the question in the conventional sense, and instead started a group discussion on what leadership means to many in the audience.

Here are snippets of that discussion -

A leader today is looked up on as a mentor, a coach, a guide. A leader is supposed to ask questions that takes you closer to answer. A leader is supposed lead by example.

The leader became a leader by doing things right. After being a leader, is supposed to do right things, than doing things right.

Then the question came - How does one become a leader ? What is the pre-requisite ?
If I go by what I heard

• One has to do things right
• One has to do right things
• One has to coach, mentor, learn from mistakes

I had difficulty in accepting this as the definition of a leader or pre-requisite to become a leader.

In my mind - the only pre-requisite to become a leader is to have followers.

Now, the followers come from relating to them at a level where you understand their thought process, their motivation, their alignment as much as they understand themselves, and then channeling it to a greater alignment or conviction one has.

So, to correct my math - there are TWO pre-requisites to become a leader.

• Have your own conviction
  
• Have followers

There are many fabulous leaders in the history of human kind, who work has been defined and labeled as "evil" in later period. One leaders patriotism is others terrorism.

But which ever side of the story you are on, you got to have your own conviction and you got to have followers. You got to have followers with whom you have related to completely at a thought process level.

There is no good thing or not bad thing. There is no absolute right thing. Every interpretation, is shaped by your conviction.

I urged the team to focus on relating to larger mass, creating a bigger circle of influence and focusing on getting a title with leader in it. It does not make oneself a leader by putting a title against his her name. One becomes a leader when others follow him / her and align to ones conviction. Not everyone has to be leader. Not every leader is a leader in every sphere of his/her life. Even leadership is situational and context based.

So, are you a leader yet ?

Until that time - "Lead, follow or get out of the way"

Process... laws or guidelines ???

... this is one of the "occupational hazards" of working in the networking company. Building BIG devices that carries a country worth of networking traffic.

When one of your creations does some mischief a few thousand people suffer from "net-loneliness". Net (or Internet) has become a basic necessity and has grown on us like an addiction.

So, today was such a hazardous day at work. Somewhere in Eastern Europe, internet became free for most of the users. The service provider, did not like it. And the burnt came to us, the engineers who develop that device. After all what good is it, if it does not make money ?

One of my lead engineers, came to me. He has a fix. Has same sense of urgency to get this in to the hands of customer. Great ! Right ? Not yet ....

There is a barrier - process. We need to follow a process to deliver a fix. And process is an enabler of good behavior, founder of good quality and (alas) barrier for rapid recovery.

So, he shuffled through the stack of process, ignored a few. Saved some time. Delivered the fix.
No one got hurt. No one noticed. At least till now.

This reminded me of my childhood, when school, elders - all preached me on what is good and what is bad. Truth - good. Stealing - bad. Honesty - Good. Lies - bad.

During Ganapati, we used to have inter school competitions on whose Ganesha idol is decorated the best with flowers. That needed a lot of flowers to be collected on that day. No money. So you can not buy flowers. So, we would have to take it from some peoples gardens. Taking it with permission - good. Taking is without permission - stealing - bad.

And very few people gave permission.

So, I was seriously contemplating the second option (stealing) 4AM in the morning from the gardens. Just to get the guilt dissipate, shared my plan with my mom.

Her response was a bit shocking to me that time - "If you are stealing these flowers to offer to God on one particular day of the year - Its OK".

That was my first exposure to "context based Good and Bad". Till that time it was "Absolute good and bad".

Thanks Ma ! This is very handy tip indeed !