Writing own "Obituary"

During the last exec coaching sessions, my coach assigned me a rather jarring assignment.

To write my own "Obituary". And that came after hours of probing on "What I a want to be known for?".

Tough - the same question used to be "What I want to be ?" For someone, who has never really had an "Ambition in normal sense", the question was tough to answer in a corporate sense.

Actually, corporate ladder growth has never been on my ToDo list.  However, ambition like, remain healthy, enjoy simple things of life, be a harmless and likable person over all.

So, finally this assignment comes around. Write your own "Obituary" in less than 200 words. Its a very nice way of getting out some concise answer to "What you want to be known for?".

Thanks Coach !!

The Cancer Diary: Finds its own place away from Betaal Gyan

Took some time to move the "Journal of Cancer" to its own blog space.

The Cancer Diary     <<< Click here to go to the blog

if you typing in the URL :

http://thecancerjournal.blogspot.in/


Content  so far has been moved and all new content goes there directly.  Just to keep all content related to this phase of my life together. Betaal Gyan will continue with its own theme !

Humbling ! Truly humbling !!

The diagnosis has brought in ample "humility" along with the usual rest-of-it, that it comes with.

We have no control.

Being proud of things one does right .. not the pride that comes across as boasting or arrogance, but more affably preachy types.

-  Take care of your health.
-  If you do not find time for exercise, you ll find time for falling sick
etc. All that lil pleasures of advising, caring with self at the center, as an example. No point really !

All that - "Stay cool.. and you are not in control of future" ! - better said than done.

That sense of satisfaction in providing for the family, the sense of accomplishment in being a useful employee - all that creates a small sense of pride inside. Somewhere. Over a period of time.

And then, all that comes crashing down .. making one believe "really!! You take credit for that ?, can you sustain it ?"

Its been a very humbling lesson indeed !

A true *test* ?

In India, the students pursuing computer science, want to be developers when they come out of school and enter their dream IT companies. The formal education, curriculum around testing and validation has evolved just a bit, in last 20 years. The project work even the masters do, all focused on churning some leveraged code, which can not stand the test of productization, field usage even for a day.

So, today we were trying out an experiment to boost our luck of hiring young talented engineers motivated about test. The experiment had all the known pitfalls addressed.

Masters only, so no attrition after 2 yrs for higher study. M.Techs means MBA vs. MS ambiguity is over. Compensation is good. It was clearly marketed as network testing role, so people who are truly interested would come for it. Campus season is over, and all of them are placed. So, only when truly interested in this company, they will come to the test. - That was the thought !

So, 250+ students wrote the test, 45 selected for interview, and 19 cleared the interview for 8 positions available.

So, as a tie breaker, we went to the "team work" test round. Single, large problem to be solved by a larger group, while observers watch their approach, who takes the lead, who provides clues, who helps others, who leverages others - all that.

And, one group was "Strong Hires" from tech rounds, and the other batch "Hires" !

Interestingly I found the "Strong Hire" side was all over each other, making a point each - thinking like "Developers". While the "Strong" batch was more civil in discussing the problem, and coming somewhat to a decent solution, and thinking more fundamentally correct way.

Question it - were those "Strong Hires" from technical interview rounds all "faked" during the interview about being "passionate" about test ?

Will know, only after they join and see them work for some time :)

Training the "sub-conscious"

So many behaviors are part of our subconscious. And any one of them we need to change, we have to consciously work on it for weeks, months, years - as part of a plan !

Some change for good. Most don't. The moment the plan is over, the subconscious programming takes over. 

So, what is the effective way of training sub-conscious ? If a food pattern needs to be strictly followed, consciously - it becomes a "diet plan". And comes with a shelf life !

Any set of tough actions put in form of a plan to follow, works against the basic core nature of the living adults, the freedom !! And hence fails.

So, here is a middle path I am currently experimenting with.

"Just Watch but take no action".

What is my morning weight ? Did I lose temper any day ? Did I spend 1 hr in some form of sports or physical activity ? Simple parameters to watch in coded, compact way.

Just a daily note of gibberish that looks like MW=x, A=0, WO=1 etc. in a journal.

But no specific action or plan kicks in if MW is above a mark or below a mark. If A becomes > 0.
No plan. Just watch and document.

And month after month, I see the cumulative numbers are automatically coming closer to what the ideal values should be.

And because I am not doing any thing, I would not go back to anything !!

Perception - Why does it take so long to change ?

Ever wondered why others perception about you, persists for years even after you have "changed" you behavior ?

Very commonly found in families, organizations !!

 "Oh .. Him ?? He does not have respect for process. He is a maverick" !
".. no ! Don't invite him to the marriage. He drinks before coming in and not sure what he will do".
"You can hire this engineer, however he is a slow learner. I used to work with him in 2003".

Some snippets of opinion's about people. Over a period of time, people adopt new behaviors, learn. The core nature may not change, but externally visible behaviors, habits etc do change. But the brand of the person lingers on many years post the person shed his old skin.


So, why does it happen ? Pondering in to finding a mathematical formula, this is what I come up with (and already used in a coaching session).

When a person, cares about certain feedback, takes it seriously - he changes. He takes say 1 week to change that habit / behavior. That one week, the maximum time any one stayed with him, is he himself.

People around him, who holds that perception also need 1 weeks worth of exposure to the new behavior. But how much time they get exposed to him in a week ? 1 hr ? Then it will take them 3 yrs (24x7 hrs @ 1hr a week - converted to weeks and then to years)  to change the perception and adopt to new you.

Agree, its more complex than the super simplistic math I ve provided. 

But, I think I found the answer to the young coachee who was asking me - "How do I get rid of the old perception of "me" in the team ? "

Expose new YOU more, more time ! Over communicate ! Over display the new behavior and the change. The more, the sooner the perception will go away (and new ones will be created of course !!)

The real "us" ?

Who we really are ?

One of my very close friends, who I respect and admire as symbol of tolerance and calm..broke her finger while slamming a door out of rage at home. The point ?? "Home was too noisy".

I am sure, that was not a cause she could not over come. Know her too well to believe that.

The fact is, we all have multiple personalities. With the people we love, our family, the people we have taken for granted, we tend to blow the pressure valve.

The shield of calmness is not guarding us, when we are with our own !!

Love has multiple shades. Deep love can be dark !